Sunday, January 2, 2011

Midlife Crisis??

Yes, I think I am in the middle of one...

I love my job! How many people can say that? But, the truth is I really do love my job! I am a dog groomer by day and mommy after hours. Dog grooming to me is making a math equation beautiful! There is art and there is math, and then of course there are soulful doggie stares. I know you are thinking puppy kisses but let's get one thing straight...puppies SUCK. And so do doggie kisses...why? Well puppies, wiggle and bite. and scream, and throw tantrums, and paw and scratch....and you are holding a sharp pair of scissors close to their eyeballs and pray you don't cut yourself or worse the dog. And kisses? I have trained the client dogs to NOT kiss...kissing scissors and clippers equals lots of blood...I know and do not care to repeat it, plus dogs have bad breath and lick unmentionables. Nuff said!

I own my very own store in another town, it is tiny about 300 square feet but it is on the main street, it is cute and it is MINE! I have been open now for 4 years, by appointment only. At my grooming shop I am queen and I like it that way. Somedays are yucky, like when you are drying a dog with a high force dryer and the dog poops and it hits the air wave and then you look and you have splashed poop all over the wall, the floor, the dog, the table...yup those days are poopy. Majority of the days are great, the time FLIES by and I am always shocked that the day is over.
It also pays really well. When I leave work I can easily talk 'dog' with other people for hours, most of my friends are dog groomers, I can research hair cuts and techniques for hours and never lose focus.
I like it so much that I went in a grooming competition in Toronto and placed second in my division...2nd in my division for Canada is purty not only do I love my job but I am also really GOOD.

The downside? My kids. Well, they are not a downside but I adore/love/ get it, the mornings are nuts here. We are always rushing, some mornings with Peter are rough, he does not do good in rushed situations. The commute is an hour and then an hour back. Kids have to go to a I LOVE my sitter! She is truly awesome and I appreciate everything she does but flat out she is not ME.
Evenings are rushed for supper, errands, activities, homework, laundry, bathtime, bedtime...
My job is very, very physical. I am sore and physically tired at the end of the day. Housework is not high on the by the end of the week the house looks like a bomb went off. Everyone is short tempered because we cannot find items, clothes, homework, shoes...

Josh has a great job now but it is contract work and ends nerves are on edge because right now there is no work at the end of the yellow brick road. He is confident that something will come up in his field soon.

So obviously you can see my 'midlife crisis' vs kids. I want to stay home, I did when the boys are were VERY small for a short time and I admit I was so excited to go back to school and then off to work. It was exciting to have a career! Most importantly it was exciting to be making MONEY!!! (we were horribly poor!)
Now, three kiddies later and dreams of more babies, I am tired!!! I am older (I hit thirty in a few days) and more patient.

In some ways it seems stupid to leave my career, I am at the top of my skill level, my business is BOOMING, I get paid awesome money and to top it off I really do LOVE it!

But I miss my kids.

I had been struggling with this little personal battle for a few months and I kept thinking about how I had a career and how awesome business was and how I loved the money and could buy my kids things. One day, I left work a bit early (due to someone not showing up for their appointment) and hit the grocery store and was waiting at the check out line (funny how so many events happen at the checkout line?) and saw a woman struggling with her two naughty kids that were about the age of my boys. The kids were cranky and showing it and she was tired....and suddenly I was WICKEDLY homesick for my kids!!!! I missed my three little monkeys sooooo bad!!
I had hated taking my kids to the grocery store, alone, before that moment. But I envied that woman so much!!

This little epiphany happened about two months ago and since then I have ventured shopping more and more with my kids and weirdly enough I am SOOO patient with them and all their rotten behaviour. I still hate grocery shopping but I have learned I would rather go with them then alone.

I have been on vacation since the 22nd of December and I do not go back till Jan 11th and I am NOT looking forward to it at all! I am really enjoying staying home with the kids! I am enjoying getting my house clean for the first time in 4 years! I love being able to laugh at their little antics, hold a sick toddler cause the cold is a rotten thing, nurse boo-boo's, listen to the tails of a 4 year old, and get caught up on the mountain of dirty clothes that threatened to take over the upstairs hallway.

Once upon a time I never thought I could walk away from my shop and my grooming clients but a clever little six year old is pleading his case.

Peter: 'Mommy, how bout you take some more time off from work.'

Me: 'Is two weeks not enough? How much more time?'

Peter: 'You could stay off till I grow up and I am big enough to go to work with you but if I have to stay home then you can too.'

Peter, buddy, I am struggling with that decision more then you will ever realize! It isn't about love or ego anymore, it comes down to finances and placing my trust and my faith in Josh to provide for our family.

We will see what the future brings!

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