Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sleeping Alone...

I never sleep alone...ever...Kathleen always makes sure that if half the bed is empty, she will occupy it happily. the trouble with Miss Kathleen is she really doesn't like to sleep...she can go on 2-3 hours in a 24 hour period...oh ya! I have never seen a kid that can eat as much and sleep as little as this monkey!

Josh and the boys are all great sleepers (when healthy...when sick, I am up hourly nursing cause you know guys and colds??), once asleep I hear nothing till 6:50am.

Me? Well, I am a former insomniac (guess where Kathleen gets her tendencies?) but since having chillans I have learned to TREASURE sleep! I still have an issue with GOING to bed at a decent hour...I just want to stay up, keep reading, keep checking things online, keep cleaning (no, not that very often, I will be honest but there have been a few times...), keep watching television.
I feel guilty because I harp at my kids and husband to go to bed at a decent hour, my kids are in bed between 6:30pm and 7pm, I kid you not. Josh falls asleep at 10pm, every night in front of the television...then I growl at him to go to bed, which he finally does around 12:30pm and I am up till 1pm...then woken 3-4 times by Kathleen...and up at 6:50am (thanks to Charles, who has an internal clock like a rooster).
Josh also works shift  work...and works night shift. I have such a hard time going to that cold bed alone, locking up for the night...not because I am nervous or scared. I have three yappy dogs that bark if a snowflake falls too hard, and yes the big guy gets nasty with strangers when Josh is not home (wonder why no one pops by in the evening??), and my parents are next door.
It is really the loneliness of doing the bedtime ritual by myself. The finality of the day...to me, it is a wee bit depressing. So, I put it off and off and off and then out of pure exhaustion I realize it is SOOO late and I am going to be SOOO tired the next morning and I dread the morning. Nice self destructive pattern!

I was at church on Sunday (yes, I FINALLY made it back!! I was sicker then a dog but I decided no more excuses, and me dying wasn't going to count), and a friend commented that when her husband worked nights she did not go to bed at all, she stays up the entire night and HATES it...I completely understood but at the same time I had one of those moments! I was not alone in this but i really have to learn to accept it and make it better in some way or form.

This shift of nights, that Josh has been working, I have been getting my chores all finished before 9pm, then I allow myself that luxury of ME time. 10pm is a nice hot bath, jammies, a book. I have made new ritual I am LOVING!! I have a cold bed, our house is ancient and COLD upstairs...our room is the worst because I keep the door shut to keep the pets out...and no warm air. So, I took a pop bottle, filled it with HOT water, nice tight cap and placed it in bed! It is SOOOO nice to slip into a bed with fleece sheets and warm bottle at my feet! My toes are so toasty warm! It literally stay warm till morning.

Kathleen always joins my bed by at least 4am and we snuggle till morning. Our days of snuggling will get less and less as she gets older. I also know that part of her problem of not sleeping is being alone is her little bedroom...she needs a sister;)

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